Vacation Review

The 3 1/2 days we spent in Key West was the right amount of time. Any more time would have been too much, any less and I would have left without doing some things that were on my list.

I liked the laid back island lifestyle. Flip Flops and shorts is my typical attire in the nice restaurants of The Woodlands. In Key West, this dress doesn't get you disapproving looks. We ate well, that's always a highlight.

Biking was the best way to get around the island. I was able to explore the entire island in an afternoon and didn't have to pay the ridiculous price for parking in the downtown area.

I enjoyed the "Ultimate Adventure" excursion. The parasailing was terrific and the ocean kayaking was fun. The snorkeling was disappointing, not a lot to see in the "3rd Largest Reef in the World." And it turns out jet skiing in the ocean isn't as fun as freshwater. Vrooom Splash, Vrooom Splash. All the waves just about give you whiplash.

Ernest Hemmingway's house was cool. I don't know a lot about the guy and wasn't really expecting much. However it was interesting, I especially liked meeting his 6 toed cats.

The Mallory Square Sunset Festival every night is the Don't Miss thing to do in Key West and it was definately good stuff. Once the sun went down, there was a lot of night life. Most of the shops stay open past midnight to gain business from those attending all the clubs that evening.

As always, the thing I enjoyed most was the webcams featured on the island. Many times I was seen on the cams around the island. Here for example as I cruised down Duval Street on my bike:















Overall it was a good trip. I put it about even with the vacation to DC last year. That is all of my short trip review. I will be back to my normal blogging at the next entry.

Key West, FL

My company and I are in Key West for the weekend. I explored the island by bike yesterday and today I'm ready for my water sports fun. I haven't been overly impressed thus far. I'm looking forward to parasailing today, maybe it will change my mind.

Who Picked This Coach 2 Years Ago?

That's me, That's me!

I picked the coach 2 years ago.

I'm glad Mike Sherman is back in Aggieland. I called for this when he exited Green Bay 2 years ago. I'm pumped that it's finally happening.

Who's excited about Football Season once again?

That's me, That's me!

What's In A Name?

Who knew so many read this blog? I've been so busy that I hadn't really thought about this blog much. All of the complaining finally worked. I'm back.

I want to use this blog to impart knowledge to you all. Since I haven't been doing that, you're desperately needing something. Allow me to make that up to you by sharing a brief lesson.

A lot of thought goes into naming a product. The first step in developing a successful marketing campaign is to not only come up with a catchy name, but to use it to communicate a message to the consumer. The product name is often formulated by a team of consultants to establish a position in the market and to convey the product's strengths. Think of successful drugs such as Lunesta or Viagra. Just by looking at the poetic name of Lunesta. Lun- or Luna- invokes the thought of the moon or night and it's crafted together into a soothing name that promises a restful night's sleep. As for Viagra, the Vi- suggests Vigor or Vitality and it's no coincidence that the drug rhymes with "Niagra."

Having known this and studied brand names and product placement at A&M, I bought a Duraflame to burn for a few hours in my apartment. After all, I've had this fireplace for over a year and hadn't yet used it and it's cold outside. So at 10:00 PM, I cleaned out my fireplace and lit the Duralog. My cat was mesmerized for 2 solid hours. As midnight rolled around, Penny and I were done eating and it was time for her to go home. Therefore it was time for me to extinguish my Duraflame and go to bed.

The company that manufactures Duraflame selected that name for a purpose. The -flame of course tells you that this is firewood, meant for burning. The Dura- comes from Durable (lasting) or Durance (the word we get endurance from) and lets (or should let) the consumer know that this piece of woods burns for a while. Needless to say, the wood's Duration exceeds 2 hours. But I was ready for bed!

I decided that dumping water on the log would fill my house with smoke and that was not something I was ready to do. Plan B was blowing it out. I've had several birthdays and can't remember one recently where I had trouble extinguishing my birthday candles. My family obviously never purchased dura-candles as the log withstood all of my huffing and puffing. The next idea I could think of was to go straight for the muscle and pull out the fire extinguisher. As I searched my apartment, I realized that it did not have an extinguisher in stock.

So onto my next idea. I turned to Google and found a grade school science experiment results that documented the best ways to extinguish a fire. Number 1 was by using vinager and since I had none I moved onto the substance that worked 2nd best for this 5th grader, Soapy Water. I filled a cup that I got from an Aggie soccer game with water and wrung in the soapy sponge I use to clean dishes. I took the cup to the fireplace, opened the wire-mesh screen and dumped the water onto the fiery log. This created a large amount of smoke to rise in the fireplace (luckily with most of it going straight up the chimney and out of my house) but fueled the fire more. I returned from the sink with another helping of water and applied it to the fire. More smoke, more flame. I applied the full third cup to half of the log and that took the flame down some. I returned with 2 more cups and had the fire under control. A last cup ensured that the fire was completely extinguished and all burning embers had been put out.

If only my fireplace had been crafted as carefully as the name of the Duraflame. All of the water that I'd dumped on the log had trickled out the front of the fireplace, bringing with it the soot from inside. After I'd cleaned the floor up (for the most part) I wondered if the log could be reused. Although I doubt it can be lit again, I decided that I would only light it if I could remain in my house until it burned out naturally which could very well be 5-7 hours. Since I'm never at home for this length of time, I think I have a permanent soggy wood conversation piece in my fireplace.

I needed to share this with all of y'all just in case you aren't familiar with the workings of a fireplace or the naming of products. If you only want to burn something for a short time, save yourself some trouble and light something that has a wick. Otherwise, look for a product with a less attractive name like Tempor-log or Briefire. That's just being being Logical...

Get Out The Way, Let Casper Drive.

For those of you that haven't seen this groundbreaking video (that coincidentally stole my Fantasy Football League name) , I have attached the video below:



Not only did this video make me laugh, but it provided an assignment to follow the Highly Successful Webcam Invasion.

There is a car that parks at my office building daily that looks quite a bit like the one in the video above. I photographed the vehicle to verify that the car in question matches Grandma's car. We determined based on model, color, sticker location, and the presence of an EZ Tag, that there's about a 95% certainty that this is the same car.

It appears grandma is a late sleeper though as she arrives well after I get to work at 8:00...well ok, 8:07... She does not arrive during the 8 o clock hour.

I've estimated that her lunchtime begins somewhere between 12:45 and 1:00 which does not mesh with mine.

She also seems to be a hard worker as she's doesn't leave before 6:00.

With all of her scheduling working against me, I still managed to catch her yellow car rolling out of my parking lot one afternoon when Penny was taking me to pick my car up from getting maintanance. I requested she scrap the trip to Honda and tail the car. Our 95% certainty was boosted 4 points when I got a visual of the driver. It turns out the driver isn't Grandma, rather Grandpa was driving the vehicle. I wanted to follow Grandpa to lunch and confront him there. So we continued to follow him down the road. 10 miles later, we realized that we were heading out of town and I determined showing up at the man's house was the stalker line that I didn't want to cross.

So as for now, I have still been unable to contact the Ghostriding Geezers. However, I'm working on it. I will talk to Grandpa and I'll gain his trust. And then we'll ghostride.

Normal Times

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I had to iron out some details with the U2 contract.

I guess everything is finally normal here in Conroe. Penny finally lives down the parking lot from me and therefore I have spent some leisure time in the city I live in. As much as I've enjoyed that, I can't wait to get back to CS for Football/Soccer Season. Now if only the 12th Man Foundation would send my season tickets to my address rather than Montgomery...

I bet you're North of here.

I spent my week in Brownsville, try to get more South in Texas than that. I dare you.

I arrived in town Monday and learned one thing very quickly. The folks in Brownsville do not do any work. Training them was like pulling teeth in the beginning. No one knew their job responsibilities, even the supervisors. Wednesday, the jail infirmary was practically shut down until 10:30. Cowboys tickets went on sale at 10:00, so until then phones weren’t to be used and computers weren’t to be touched. Luckily the tickets to the Cowboys – Vikings game were secured…

The day progressed better than expected, which leads me to my current setting. I figured I was done with the task I’d been assigned, so I got a flight out a day early. A 6:40PM flight was doable, so I booked the flight and arrived to Valley International Airport in Harlingen at 5:50. The flight was delayed however. And again. And again. And now we’re set to depart at 9:00PM.

So I’m sitting in the airport restaurant along with everyone else waiting for a flight. Lucky for me there are 25 credits on the jukebox I’m next to. 22 remain now as I select Dead & Bloated to follow up my selections of 3AM and I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For. No one’s objected yet, so I imagine I’ll keep playing DJ for the already irritated patrons. Maybe I should throw on some Selena to please the crowd.

It turns out that Brownsville isn’t so bad, immensely better than Laredo. We went to Progresso on Monday, which I’d been to before, but it was a good trip. Got some goods. I have my laptop case and a clay pot with me as carryons. That’s South Texas business man right there.

A fellow patron just noticed that our flight had been pushed back to the current time of 9:00PM. Needless to say, he’s not thrilled. The lady on tv is showing me that Dallas is currently getting pounded and the Departure Screen just announced that the 5:40 flight to Dallas has been pushed further back to 9:25… It’s days like this that I count myself lucky to not work at the airport dealing with the angry people, it doesn’t help the fact that I’m still stuck in this airport for another couple of hours though.

My ringtone is now playing on the Jukebox; Blaze of Glory by Bon Jovi.

Busy weekends to come! This weekend I will be going to Corpus to get my long lost cat. The next weekend, I will be helping Penny move (one of the many moving that weekend). And soon after it’s Soccer and Football season. Can’t wait to get back to Aggieland for that. It should be a good season.

I’ve been out of the office all week which means I have things to catch up with other than my blog. Things such as TexAgs and Pearls Before Swine comics from this week. And Desperado will play as I close this entry. This music is much better than the crying children. I hope they're not waiting for my flight.

Out of Place

Let me ask you a question (and that "you" is singular, not plural because I'm sure that no more than 1 person reads my blog (side note: is it just me or does "singular" look wrong everytime I type it because of that little orange man's company...? (triple parenthesis, cool!))). My question is, "Have you ever been the only minority in an entire city?" Well I have.

My adventures took me to Laredo this week (better known to my family as "The border town where everyone gets killed or kidnapped"-ville). I did some training and galavanted around the town. They had an impressive mall (impressive in its size and number of businesses) and an impressive HEB (impressive in it's ghetto-ness and the fact that everyone shopping there was pregnant). But most notable was the fact that I was the only caucasian there. Imagine how out of place I felt. Especially since I was wearing a Texas A&M shirt (everyone in the valley wears burnt orange). The only thing that would have made me stick out more would be if I had brought along my Washington Redskins cap (Cowboys' rival) and my "Catholics stink!" banner (everyone knows that all of South Texas is Catholic).

Ok, so I don't own a Washington Redskins cap or any anti-Catholic propoganda, but nonetheless...

This lack of diversity wasn't the only thing apparent. Also quite noticeable was how wretchedly boring the town is. I mean other than the mall, watching hobos fight over a matress on the access road (true), and the dog fights downtown (probably true), there's absolutely nothing to do in the town. I realized how boring this city was last time I visited, but being on my own, the realization punched me in the face as I looked out my scenic overview of the junkyard from my 3rd floor hotel window.

So as I ate at Taco Palenque, I decided that Laredo needs the help of a marketing major to attach a tagline to their city.

Laredo - As fun as bubblewrap...but somebody's already popped all the bubbles. And stole your wallet.

Laredo - Come for the cheap pottery! Stay until someone pays your ransom.

Laredo - 180 degrees from ordinary. And 180 degrees hotter.


Hmmm...I'm still working on them. At least I'm putting my degree to use.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

There are certain signs you would think wouldn't need to be posted in public places. Especially in County Courthouses. Check the following lineup of signs from Eastland County Courthouse.

Fatty Row

I thought the Fatty Special was perfected when I was in Lubbock. Taco Bueno and Krispy Kreme both near my hotel. It made for a nice dinner. But here I am in Longview. Kudos Mr. City Planner, you are a genius. Just across the street from my hotel, there is a Taco Bueno, Shake's Frozen Custard and a Whataburger side by side. So of course for dinner I had the Fatty Special #2, some Chiladas from Taco Bueno and a Mint Oreo Concrete from Shake's. Perfection.

Coming Soon

So if you don't know already. Something major is happening in my life. It's in progress right now. Right down the road. A small oddly shaped building is being constructed 5 minutes from here. The sign in front of this structure is warning Lenny's "Taco Bueno coming soon." Sorry Lenny's, I have a new dining destination.

Special K Vanilla Almond rules the cereal world. Princess Cereal, you know I still love you.

Everyone's all graduated and grown up. Congrats to the grads. Way to go on graduating, but thanks a lot for moving away... Karen will still be holding down CS. And her graduation party rocked the Farm.

Not a lot else is going on. BUSY BUSY at work. Annabelle is running around the house and Clinton is calling.

I got the news playing while I blog and a top story from Downtown Houston: A man has been given a restraining order after he stuffed his girlfriend in the dryer. Way to go dude, creativity counts.

My Town

So I live in this town of Conroe in between my weekend trips to College Station. I still have trouble considering myself a resident. Maybe one day I will hang out here enough to call it home. But for now I just hang out here with my cat. On second thought, my coworkers don't even live in this city. Maybe it's time I move out...

Down by the River

Alright kid-aroos, here I am! We're holding our annual conference for our clients. This year it's in the grand city of San Antonio. So far it's been great! Our clients are some cool people. I'm getting a break before our dinner party. We'll be down the road in the party room with some band my boss likes and some Boudro's catered food (excellent restraunt). Then we'll have to keep up with these ladies all night (small survey says that at least one ends up falling in the river tonight).

I had to get a loaner phone because my screen went out. I could call and recieve calls, but I wouldnt know who I was calling or who was calling me and I couldn't dial because my key pad is on the touch-screen. So now I'm stuck with this ghetto loaner that has about 5 names entered into it (aside from Jose, Mari, and others that were left in the phone from the previous user) until I get the replacement. I have to return the loaner to the SA store. So I'll either drop it off on the other side of town before we leave tomorrow or mail it back. Bet on the latter.

Technology has been revolting all day. Perfect timing... Computers, phones, speakers....

And finally, shout out to Nick and a little bragging to rub it in his face. At this hotel, everyday is Popcorn Friday!

Mail Call!

Check out the trouble I stir up by calling Clinton out!

http://www.thebatt.com/home/index.cfm?event=displayArticleComments&ustory_id=0a68b91d-fd27-4f91-8f27-4270a8905715#b53f56b2-3719-4eb2-b7b3-1cfdd63172e1

Sights and Sounds

I apologize; I haven’t kept up with this blog. And with all of my excuses of being too busy, I’m sorry to say that I’ve been in Conroe for most of the past couple of weeks. But now I’m back out on site. This time I’m sitting in Cameron, TX, a short hour drive from CS where I’m staying.

Other then enjoying my time in the city I live in and my weekly trips to CS, I haven’t been doing a whole lot. I made the trip to SA to see the Elite Eight (wish my Ags would have been in it). I vacuumed my apartment for the first time and was able to buy groceries that I stayed around long enough to eat.

As I told a couple of people, I hate the Wal-Mart in Conroe. It is the most unhappy, wretched place in the nation. I would much rather do my shopping in the friendly Wal-Marts located in Montgomery or The Woodlands. What keeps me coming back however, is the sheer curiosity of what I may encounter this time. Well I made a list last week of the sights I encountered. Allow me to summarize it:

1. And old lady having an old lady conversation on the phone by the milk. It went a little something like this, “What’s that you say? Hold on, this darned hearing aid’s going out…. Ok, now what? No…Wal-Mart. No, Wal-Mart! Wal…Wal-Mart! I said I’m at Wal-Mart!’
2. A man wearing Chef clothes over his Wal-Mart uniform, standing by the lobster tank repeatedly poking the lobsters with his finger.
3. A lady that I accidentally startled by walking past her. “Oh goodness!” she said as she grabbed her heart. Sorry lady, didn’t realize I would scare you by walking past you in a crowded grocery store. There are others around I hope you know… I’ll pick up some Anxiety Medicine for you when I head back to the pharmacy.
4. A cashier that checked me out without ever really making eye contact with me or speaking to me. She did however scream/sing, “I Ain’t Going To Heaven When I Die!” as I approached. And then holler out behind me “WOOOO! It’s the buggy patrol!” as I walked out with my shopping cart.
5. The guy in charge of corralling shopping carts was hanging from the tree while sporting his orange vest.

Strange place. Stay away.

That’s all I got for you. I’ll be spending the week until Wednesday afternoon somewhere between Cameron and College Station. Feels like home. Lots of people are missing though. If y’all have to move away from College Station, the least you could do is come to Conroe. I can still get you that job at Lenny’s Deli if anyone’s interested…

Alice Por Vida

Due to some technical difficulties on the side of the county, I'm not leaving tomorrow at lunch as was scheduled. The fact of the matter is, I'll probably be here until the end of the day on Friday at least... Well, at least I have home cooking and familiar faces to come back to. I'll enjoy this time with my family. Commuting to Alice each morning isn't a great thrill though. On the way there this morning I remember one thing I didn't like about this place (other than the mosquito population) and that is the fog. Heavy fog slowed traffic to below 50 on the highway this morning. Made a long, boring morning commute even longer...

Other things that made the day awkward included: 1. Chris having the great idea of bringing Pigs in Blankets to the clients for breakfast. (Better read as: Chris bringing the Catholics meat for breakfast on Ash Wednesday). 2. Having the county judge start a conversation with me from a stall in the bathroom. 3. Telling the IT guy "Nice to meet you," and him replying, "Hey, we went to Calallen, I already know you." My bad on all 3 counts.

Around Texas

I've been cruisin all over the place. The next month doesn't show any signs of slowing that pace down. A few notes from my journeys:

1. The new Drury in San Antonio is gonna be awesome. We got a tour a few weeks ago before it was open and it is top notch. The rooftop pool overlooking downtown SA is definately the coolest amenity. It's in the old Alamo Bank building and promises to be the nicest hotel on the Riverwalk.

2. Boerne's a pretty happening place. The Hungry Horse Grill is excellent. Best Chicken Fried Steak I've had and fresh veggies. This happened the day I got there, pretty funny story. There are some cute little shops downtown including a Native American store that sells "Herbal Smokes" which are an "Alternative, non-tobacco smoking mix." Peyote? This shop was next door:














Which was good because whenever I go shopping for old stuff, I always crave a pickle. Way to go shopkeeper.


3. West Columbia is all I thought it would be. No worse, no better. It was good to go home with Penny this weekend because a. I got to spend all weekend with her. b. I'd never been to her hometown and she's been to CC like 45 times.

4. I love our BBall team, the Aggies are tearing it up so far in all the Spring Sports.

5. I'll be going to Corpus tomorrow, have a few days of work to do in Alice. That means Annabelle will get to accompany me on her first business trip because we're staying in the Wilson Inn. And even though I havent left for Corpus yet, I'll already know what hotspots I'll hit. Bring on the Fermins.

Secret Agent Man

On my Google homepage, a random webcam from somewhere on the Globe is displayed. Every 15 seconds, this camera changes. One day, I noticed a camera marked "Bryan, TX" on the homepage. The link is: http://128.194.244.10/top/liveapplet.html.

The mission was to find where in Bryan this place was and what it was used for. Surveillance was done by the CWSquared Agency. It was learned that these people worked 12 hour days and were most likely a terrorist organization. After a few weeks and a couple of leads, the camera's location was determined and the Agents were deployed a few weeks later. Their mission was to infiltrate the facility and let them know we are watching them. The mission began at 12:30 AM and was captured on camera:

The agents meet and converge on the target. They are notified from homebase that one enemy remains in the facility.













The agents enter the building through the strategic entrance located on the same wall as the present enemy's office.















The webcam catches the 4 entering the facility. They cautiously step in, making sure the enemy down the hall doesn't hear them.
















They proceed down the hall with stealth, stopping to make sure their entrance wasn't noticed.

















Sign (Warning) 1 of 3 is posted just down the hall from the office in which the enemy was working.













2 Agents proceed to the upstairs deck to post another warning and to survey the situation.
















The other 2 agents remain grounded on the main floor. Just down the hall, the light from the enemy's office may be seen. Soon after this picture is taken, the agents on the floor rushed out and hid beside the building as the enemy emerged from his office. The 2 located upstairs dropped to the floor and hid behind the flags as the man made his rounds, turned off the lights, and locked the building up.
















The 2 agents inside were notified that the coast was clear and returned to the main floor to let the other 2 back into the now-vacant building.
















They then climbed the ladder to the walkway that extends around half of the building and the 3rd sign was deployed. It can be seen near the top of the screen in the middle. You can see it zoomed in below.
















The sign features a picture taken weeks earlier by the web cam of one of the enemies picking his nose. It includes the reminder "Hey new guy - Employees must wash hands."















The agents then proceeded back down the ladder and out the back exit.















The heads of CWSquared and brains behind the operation mount the facility's sign for a victory picture. Mission Accomplished.

Progressive Reunion.

I wrote about half of nice, long entry here at terminal B75 in IAH. A lady across the room has a Very noisy, squeeky sounding dog. After 30 minutes, the dog had gotten on my nerves. So I set my phone on the chair beside me to get some headphones from my bag, as I then reached to unzip my notebook case, my phone slid off it's resting place and hit the floor without too much sound. As it hit, the battery cover shot off along with the battery. And that was the end of that entry. So now, I begin at square one, but this time with a new opening paragraph.

The ladies will be happy to know that the woman next to me is reading 'The Wedding.' The guys will be happy to know that I don't remember if that's the sequal or the prequal to 'The Notebook.' The lady on the other side of me is reading a magazine featuring scantly clad Hispanuc people. Neither of these ladies were next to me when I began my original entry. Let's get back to that.

I'm waiting patiently to board my flight to Midland. I'll be spending a couple of nights there, doing business in Seminole. I've never visited either of these citis, but with the affection I have for West Texas, my expectations are fairly low.

So that's where I'm going. Now where have I been? A couple of weeks ago, after spending a couple of days in Laredo, I determined that it was a terrible city to visit (right up there with Kerrville). Krispy Kreme and a pretty decent authentic Mexican food place called Palenque Grill are among its very limited redeeming features. Last week I spent a night in Waco, got to visit the new Taco Bueno, and ate my Chiladas with my bare hands (they forgot to give me silverware). I hope the towel washer at the Fairfield Inn was able to get the Chilada stains out of the towels that night. The next day I made stops in Coryell County and Eastland. Eastland County Courthouse has an interesting display at the entrance. They have an embalmed hornytoad encased in a coffin on display. Old Rip is a local hero and his annual parade is coming up in February. Clinton, hit me up with a link to Rip's story in the comments. While in Eastland, I ate at the Texas Cattle Exchange. A tasty restaurant that offers an excellent all you can eat buffet. The restaurant portion of the building is fairly small with about 15 tables of 4. Also in the building is a section with offices. Most notably, a 3rd door takes you to the cattle showcase area. In this cold room, you'll find a strong cattle smell coming from the outside barns and arenas. There is seating in this area and a small section below where cows can be brought in. Here, in the mud/hay the cows are bid on. But my favorite part of the story: in this cold, smelly barn, Eastland residents have church services every Sunday. The only comment I had was, 'I bet they have really good nativity scenes.'

That night I returned to Conroe through Dublin (picked me up some Dublin Dr. Pepper) and CS. The higlight of my week occurred after we beat OU in basketball. That night, Penny and I travled to Dallas to see Sister Hazel in concert. We were met there by a few of her friends and Nick and Vanessa. SH rocked. Pretty good live show. Afterwards, I got the guys to sign my ticket. My A&M Basketball ticket. We didn't have a ticket to the show because Penny won some all acess passes, which were in the form of stickers. With no real alternative, I handed them my basketball ticket and they were happy to autograph it. I spent that night at Nick's place. It's definitely nicer than mine. We had some late night Denny's after the show where we were entertained (annoyed) by a group of children singing (yelling) such hits as The Hokey Pokey and Barbie Girl. No idea why these children were out past midnight, but they should have definitely been elsewhere.

Now, I'm flying to Midland where I'll see Clinton. The progressive Ranch Reunion is nearly complete. The trip takes me all the way across Texas. But I'm excited. Honestly, I much preferred having Ranch get-togethers in the hall between the kitchen and the bathroom of Apartment 19 on Balcones Drive... But this is quite enjoyable too.

Iced In

The ice has made its way to Conroe now, so I get an ice day! The funny thing is that by simply moving a space in "an ice day," you get "a nice day." Let's see you kids in Dallas and Midland do something that clever with your snow day...

A&M remains closed. I hope Penny has been enjoying her 6 day weekend, because I assure you those don't come around too often. I only got a couple of days off total in my 4 years at A&M, never 2 in a row. I'm sure all the students are enjoying it. It's not as hard of a freeze as we had last year in CS. Ice Days aren't nearly as fun without someone to share icecicle breaking and bush kicking with...


Onto the reason I'm posting. Aside from my trip to Lenny's and to pick up the Yukon for my trip to Laredo tomorrow, I've spent most of the day in front of the tv. Cold Pizza, Price Is Right, Home Improvement, Family Feud. I can't wait until I'm retired. But why is it that daytime commercials are so terrible? Are old people such eager consumers that you don't need to hire professional actors to sell them a product? Some of these commercials look like they were filmed in someone's front yard. "Hi I'm Jim. I bought auto insurance. It's for my car. Call now." You know, something like that. That's not going to sell me anything, but apparently the old people eat it up. And Head On? I don't know what it is, but you apply it directly to your forehead.

One hypothesis you might have is, "Maybe all the great minds are too busy playing game shows during the day to make commercials." Well that is false. This is apparent by watching any game show that airs during the day. Skipping over the doozies that were on The Price Is Right, allow me to share with you a phrase that is never said on Family Feud. "That is a terrible answer." Why is this never said. This should be the catch phrase of Family Feud along with every other daytime game show.

Host: "100 people polled, answers are on the board. What is the main thing the women who are feeling fat want to avoid?"
Response: "Umm..oh! Giraffe Riding! Yeah!"
Family: "Good anwser! Oh yeah! Good answer!"

If you can't be honest with your family, who can you be honest with? That's a terrible answer. Say "Food" dummy. Wishful thinking and denial that your family is an idiot is not worth any points.

And now Family Feud has ended, Maury has begun. This episode: "Did My Man Cheat Because I Only Have One Leg?" There is surely no redeeming quality in this ridiculous show.

As I began to wind this blog down, I understood why there are no good commercials on during the day. I wouldn't want any of my work associated with the stupidity displayed on daytime television either. Way to go good commercial makers.

Still Here

It's been a tough week here at the office, but we're surviving. Haven't got a whole lot to say other than that.

Shout out to Karen for housing me when I was in CS, Nick's gone for good, so I was nearly homeless. Props to Nick for his first day on the job. Talked too him at lunch and all was good.

Clinton and I solved a tough case this week in regard to some suspicious activity we saw. We really should open up a Detective Office.

Last topic to address is the number of people that read my blog through facebook. Just to let you know, this is done through Blogspot, facebook imports info from here automatically. I'm surprised at how many people told me they read it. I don't know if they ever comment on it though as I dont check facebook very often. http://chriswilson06.blogspot.com/ is the best way to have me read any comments you make. Word to all my readers, I'm looking at you Ched.

Alright, longer, more thought provoking post coming in the future, I promise. Until then, let me share with you a blog that Karen sent to me asking "Is It True?":

Look…

I’m about to shed some light on the bizarre brains of men.

This impending enlightenment is the fruit of 30 years of male observation.

So go get your cute little journals girls...oh...and your colored pens.

I wish what I was about to tell you was something incredibly fantastic, but you see, that’s one of the illusions called man.

When you are single, you think that men are mysteries waiting to be solved.

You think they are deep because they’re silent.

You think they are strong because they are solemn.

No. Not hardly.

Men are very easy to read.

They are quiet because they either don’t know what to say, they aren't aware they are supposed to be saying something, or they weren't even sure you were talking to them in the first place.

They can be calm, grounded and solemn because they don't know they should be trying to impress you, even though you’re practically hula hooping with your hair on fire to get their attention.

Here’s a little known tidbit about men that should alarm you.

Got your purple pen?

They all play this game in their minds called, "The What If Game."

For the first half of my life I lived with a brother who would randomly say, "What if we had to walk backwards everywhere we went?" "What if we had to chew our food 50 times, spit it out and then eat it again?" "What if dogs could talk, but only in French, so we still couldn’t understand them?" "What if I had to sleep with my legs sticking straight up in the air?" "What if this roll of wall paper was stuck in my forehead? I would be like a unicorn. How would I put on my shirts?"

That was my life with Jason.

I thought I would be saying goodbye to this WASTE OF TIME thought process once I finally got my new double consonant name (I would have married a man with the last name of Hoogleberry to obtain this).

Wrong.

After I said, "I do," I quickly said, "This cannot be happening." I got married and found out that Aaron plays the same insane little game. I don’t know why, but "The What If Game" makes me want to hit him in the face with a cookie sheet.

He and Jason were both so serious about their "What Ifs." That's the most unsettling part. They really and truly expect you to begin problem solving over these made up scenarios. Really. I'm not joking. They see nothing wrong with logically trying to solve an illogical problem.

Aaron will pick the most inopportune times to amuse himself with the what ifs. We'll be getting ready for a birthday party or for company to come over and it will hit him..."What if I were a goat?" I'm trying to hurry, and he's chewing on napkins.

How are we still married?

Moments before I catapulted myself out of the bed to type this man betrayal, I was lying there next to my husband. He looks at me and says with his jaws clenched together, "What if I couldn’t open my mouth ever again."

Unfortunately I don’t keep cookie sheets in our bed. I will from now on.

I made a loud, "UGGGGH."

I then told him I had to know what is wrong with men. Why do they do this? It must be all men, because I’m no mathematician (actually, I can’t even tell time properly) but what are the chances that my brother and husband BOTH play the dumb "What if Game?"

Aaron informed me that he and Mike have already discussed this and they both do it and think all men do. I had him immediately call Allen. Allen was my only hope. I thought for sure Allen would not partake in this pitiful past time. Even Allen does it. Allen.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why waste brain time thinking about what ifs…and not what ifs that matter. They aren’t trying to save the world in case a meteor strikes. They are not endeavoring to solve global warming. They aren't trying to lower our gas prices.

They aren’t even trying to get ready for this "what if"… "What if the electricity goes out?" I don’t think we have one flashlight that works around here.

Oh no.

They spend their time thinking about if their legs could only fold backwards, or their skin was inside out or if everyone had to keep their wallets in their cheeks.

Aaron informed me that one time when he was taking a bath (I can’t believe I’m even saying that since I hate that everyone knows this sad fact about my darling husband) he took a whole bath not using his arms because on the way into the bathtub, this thought unfortunately crossed his mind..."What if I didn’t have arms."

Why?

Why?

Why?

He even came to the conclusion that he would have to invent a faux arm that stuck out of the bathroom wall so that after he squeezed the shampoo onto his head, using his feet, he could rub his soapy head up against the prosthetic fingers. The phony fingers would aid in the lathering process so his hair could be nice and undandruffy.

What?

So, ladies…if you have ever thought that men are a mystery, now you know that they in fact are…just not an exciting mystery…more like a disturbing, what the heck is wrong with them mystery.

Fess up boys, you know you do this.

I’m so on to you.

So on to you.
posted by Hendrick Family @ 5:45 PM

I did not know this was a huge mystery ladies. I thought it was widely known... My response to Karen was:

Unfortunately Karen, this is true. Here's a question for you. Do you think Nick and I would have dropped out of Accounting if we spent more time studying and less time asking, "Hey, what if I was sitting here across the table from you and all of the sudden a guy broke that window and pulled you through it? Would I keep studying? I think I would."

This What If game also affects camping preperation. "What if we need toilet paper, what if we run out of food. What if we need a shopping cart on the 4 mile hike??" Thus, extra toilet paper, extra food, and a shopping cart were taken to Lake Somerville.

How do you think we keep ourselves entertained? We don't sing Kelly Clarkson songs in our head or play matchmaker. If you know Nick and me, you should know that this game is constantly played and eternally fun. It is the basis for many in depth conversations as well as arguments. I never knew this was a mystery to you, I thought it was the way things were... Maybe it's the Boy Scouts' fault. "While ya'll are baking brownies, we're taught to "Always Be Prepared." "What if I need to skin a rabbit?" goes hand and hand with "What if I couldn't walk, but could only hop around like a rabbit?" And remember, there's only one way to skin a rabbit, but there are lots of preperations to make if you wake up as a rabbit. What would you eat? What kind of clothes would you wear? Would you move into a hole? (The rent is cheaper...)

Alright, later on peeps.