What's In A Name?

Who knew so many read this blog? I've been so busy that I hadn't really thought about this blog much. All of the complaining finally worked. I'm back.

I want to use this blog to impart knowledge to you all. Since I haven't been doing that, you're desperately needing something. Allow me to make that up to you by sharing a brief lesson.

A lot of thought goes into naming a product. The first step in developing a successful marketing campaign is to not only come up with a catchy name, but to use it to communicate a message to the consumer. The product name is often formulated by a team of consultants to establish a position in the market and to convey the product's strengths. Think of successful drugs such as Lunesta or Viagra. Just by looking at the poetic name of Lunesta. Lun- or Luna- invokes the thought of the moon or night and it's crafted together into a soothing name that promises a restful night's sleep. As for Viagra, the Vi- suggests Vigor or Vitality and it's no coincidence that the drug rhymes with "Niagra."

Having known this and studied brand names and product placement at A&M, I bought a Duraflame to burn for a few hours in my apartment. After all, I've had this fireplace for over a year and hadn't yet used it and it's cold outside. So at 10:00 PM, I cleaned out my fireplace and lit the Duralog. My cat was mesmerized for 2 solid hours. As midnight rolled around, Penny and I were done eating and it was time for her to go home. Therefore it was time for me to extinguish my Duraflame and go to bed.

The company that manufactures Duraflame selected that name for a purpose. The -flame of course tells you that this is firewood, meant for burning. The Dura- comes from Durable (lasting) or Durance (the word we get endurance from) and lets (or should let) the consumer know that this piece of woods burns for a while. Needless to say, the wood's Duration exceeds 2 hours. But I was ready for bed!

I decided that dumping water on the log would fill my house with smoke and that was not something I was ready to do. Plan B was blowing it out. I've had several birthdays and can't remember one recently where I had trouble extinguishing my birthday candles. My family obviously never purchased dura-candles as the log withstood all of my huffing and puffing. The next idea I could think of was to go straight for the muscle and pull out the fire extinguisher. As I searched my apartment, I realized that it did not have an extinguisher in stock.

So onto my next idea. I turned to Google and found a grade school science experiment results that documented the best ways to extinguish a fire. Number 1 was by using vinager and since I had none I moved onto the substance that worked 2nd best for this 5th grader, Soapy Water. I filled a cup that I got from an Aggie soccer game with water and wrung in the soapy sponge I use to clean dishes. I took the cup to the fireplace, opened the wire-mesh screen and dumped the water onto the fiery log. This created a large amount of smoke to rise in the fireplace (luckily with most of it going straight up the chimney and out of my house) but fueled the fire more. I returned from the sink with another helping of water and applied it to the fire. More smoke, more flame. I applied the full third cup to half of the log and that took the flame down some. I returned with 2 more cups and had the fire under control. A last cup ensured that the fire was completely extinguished and all burning embers had been put out.

If only my fireplace had been crafted as carefully as the name of the Duraflame. All of the water that I'd dumped on the log had trickled out the front of the fireplace, bringing with it the soot from inside. After I'd cleaned the floor up (for the most part) I wondered if the log could be reused. Although I doubt it can be lit again, I decided that I would only light it if I could remain in my house until it burned out naturally which could very well be 5-7 hours. Since I'm never at home for this length of time, I think I have a permanent soggy wood conversation piece in my fireplace.

I needed to share this with all of y'all just in case you aren't familiar with the workings of a fireplace or the naming of products. If you only want to burn something for a short time, save yourself some trouble and light something that has a wick. Otherwise, look for a product with a less attractive name like Tempor-log or Briefire. That's just being being Logical...